My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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