Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
