i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize