we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
