Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The uberlube is also flammable
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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