just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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