y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
