I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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