what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize