Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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