my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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