just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
