we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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