I think i peed on brittanys purse
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize