Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just pee around me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
