Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
