I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
