Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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