I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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