Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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