Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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