When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
