she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
