My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My ATM looks so different sober.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
