When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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