What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
