shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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