so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
