I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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