If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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