how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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