You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize