Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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