dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
