sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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