Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
