It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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