I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
