The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
