You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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