girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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