I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
