I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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