I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize