so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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