Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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