walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
