I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
