Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
