Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
