Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
