We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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