someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize