I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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