Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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