im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
