What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
