yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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