Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i drank out of a bidet.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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