You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
