so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
