Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize