Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
