My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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